Doubts
by Lacey99
Summary: Just a little story to try and fix what we saw on NCIS LA...


Still trying to fix what NCIS LA messed up...

Washington DC, 2019

Sarah Mackenzie peeked into her daughter's bedroom and found the newly turned thirteen-year-old crossed-legged on the bed talking to her computer. They were running late for dinner and they would be late since the girl didn't look anywhere ready to leave. She was wearing pajama pants and a tank top, her hair in a messy ponytail.

"Isn't your midtour leave coming up?" Emily wondered.

"Yeah, but something has come up so I might have to postpone it a little," came the reply from her father.

"That sucks," Emily said with a sigh. She was used to having one parent most of the time, while the other one was across the world on a moving hangar ship. "Have you told Mom about that?"

"I was trying to build up the courage," her father said with amusement.

"Good luck with that," Emily looked up and found her mom looking amused. "Oh, too late, she already knows," Emily turned her computer around.

"Hi, Mac," Harmon Rabb offered a sweet smile.

"What situation came up?" Mac wondered as she sat down on the bed.

"NCIS is on board the Allegiance. I'm not entirely sure about the situation just yet," he explained. "But it's nothing to worry about."

"Sure," Mac didn't look convinced.

"Do I give you nightmares?" Harm wondered with amusement.

"All the time," Mac hesitated. "Just be careful out there. Em and I have to get going. We're late already," she reminded her daughter."

"Aunt Harriet won't mind," Emily stood and opened her closet.

Mac noticed the empty bag on the floor. "Em, you haven't even packed yet?!"

"I got busy," Emily tried a sweet smile. "It's totally dad's fault."

"Hey, you called me," Harm reasoned.

"Yes, because Mom is being a pain in the…."

"Someone has to be or you'd never get anything done," Mac reminded her daughter as she stood and grabbed the computer. "I'm stealing Dad for a minute."

"Don't fight," Emily called after her mother.

"Hurry up!" Mac called back.

"What's up?" Harm wondered.

Mac put the computer down on her desk and sat down. "Nothing."

"Is everything okay with Emily?" Harm questioned.

"Sure, she's just a normal teenager I guess," Mac smiled. "I have to leave for a few days actually, so she's staying with Bud and Harriet."

"Okay," he hesitated. "How are you?"

"I'm good. Busy," she shrugged. "The usual. You?"

"Busy. The usual," he smiled. "I'm doing okay."

"Okay," she smiled. "I better go."

"I miss you guys," he let out a sigh. "I'm not sure about the next tour, Mac."

"You have doubts?" she was surprised. "Harm, you have a shot at getting your own ship," she reminded him.

"I do," he shrugged. "I haven't made a decision is all I'm saying. You and Em should have a say in this. It's not that easy being the one away either."

She twisted her wedding ring. "Yeah, I know."

"It would be easier if I was homeported to DC at least," he suggested.

"No doubt," she smiled. "Hey, about last week. I'm sorry."

He nodded. "I'm sorry too."

"I hate fighting, especially when you're so far away," she saw Emily appear with a packed bag.

"Me too," he agreed.

"I'm all set," Emily snapped to attention. "The bag is packed, ma'am."

Mac smiled. "At ease, Marine."

"When are we visiting Dad," Emily wondered as she rounded the desk.

"I'm coming home first, then in a few months when we dock, you guys could come to visit," Harm suggested.

"We can talk about that when we know more," Mac suggested. "We better get going."

"Bye Dad. I love you," Emily smiled.

"I love you too, Em. Be good," Harm demanded.

"I always am," Emily teased.

"Talk to you soon," Mac smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too," he smiled then logged off.

Mac let out a sigh and turned to her daughter. "It's just us again."

"As usual," Emily said and rolled her eyes. She hugged her mom.

Mac nodded and hugged her daughter close.

**Three weeks later**

Harmon Rabb smiled to the flight attendant as he exited the plane. He was finally in Washington DC, his home. If he even had a place that he could call home. He lived on a ship, in Bahrain or in DC, depending on whether he was deployed, whether he was on duty in homeport or had leave to see his family. Sometimes he wondered how his wife was still married to him when he was never around. It was both their faults really. Mac wasn't eager to move to be closer to his home port either. He looked around and found his family waiting on him. Emily was the spitting image of his wife, even more as she grew older. Mac looked great in her black suit. She had probably just finished work. She was beautiful.

"Dad!"

He smiled and hugged his daughter close. "Did you grow?" he moved back to look at her. He used his hand to see just how tall she'd become.

"Of course," Emily smiled widely.

Harm turned his focus to his wife. He'd just seen her two weeks ago while working with NCIS. She moved into his arms and their lips met in a kiss.

"It's good to see you, sailor," she kissed him again.

"I missed you," he smiled. "Both of you."

As usual, he didn't travel with much, so he had nothing checked in. "Let's go home," Mac said.

"Home sounds good," he took her hand. "Tell me about school," he said to Emily.

**Later**

Harm found Mac in their tiny home office. She had excused herself to take a phone call while Harm and Emily made dinner.

"Ten minutes," he said as he leaned on the doorframe.

"That sounds ten minutes too long," she smiled as she looked up from her phone, taking a break from texting. "Sorry, I just had to send this email."

"It's fine. I know it's not that easy for you to just drop everything when my leave wasn't very well planned," he reassured. He had originally been scheduled to be there the week before. Now he had two weeks. One of the weeks he was working and tying up some loose ends after the mission with NCIS. He had meetings at the Pentagon the following week.

"I wanted to have a light schedule this week, but it doesn't look promising," she stood. "But the weekend after, I managed to take a few days off."

"That's great," he pushed off the doorframe and moved closer to her. "We can go away for a few days?" he suggested as he gathered her into his arms.

"That sounds nice," she agreed.

"Yeah?" he kissed her.

"Dinner," she mumbled between kisses.

"Who cares," he said breathlessly when they came up for air.

"I do," she chuckled.

"Mom, Dad, dinner is…" Emily made a grimace. "Eww…"

Harm ended the kiss. "We'll be right there."

Emily turned. "Parents," she mumbled as she walked away.

Harm and Mac laughed. "We better eat," Harm suggested.

"I'm starving," she took his hand as they exited the office.

**Two days later**

Harm threw the football back and turned to his wife again. She was beautiful and relaxed as she leaned back against the three reading her book. He shook his head no as his friend was about to throw the football back and walked over to where Mac was seated. They had lunch in the park and they had run into some of their friends. Mac hadn't minded that he threw the ball around for a while, she had actually looked relieved to get some quiet time with her book. He had decided not to take it personally since he knew she worked a lot and when she didn't work Emily took up most of her time. He also knew that she loved to sit down with a good book.

"Are you done playing with your buddies?" she wondered when he sat down on the blanket.

He smiled. "You make us sound like a bunch of kids," he stretched out on the blanket and put his arms under his head.

"Aren't you?" she chuckled as she put her book down and poked him with her toe.

"Are you enjoying your book?" he wondered.

"I am. I've had that one on my shelf for a while now," she reached out and touched his face in a soft caress. He was just as handsome as he'd been the day they met.

"Want to read some more?" he wondered.

She hesitated. "I want to talk."

"Yeah?" he turned his head and carefully raised an eyebrow. "About?"

She shook her head with amusement. "It's nothing scary. We just hadn't had much time to catch up. It's been mostly about Emily. And other stuff."

He turned to her and propped himself up on an elbow, reaching his other hand out and ran it up her thigh. "We can do more of the other stuff?" he suggested in a dirty tone.

"Why are you so scared to talk to me?" she wondered.

"I'm not scared, I just figure it'll turn into a fight, and I only have two weeks and I don't want to use them fighting."

"I don't want to fight either," she took his free hand in hers. "What's bothering you?"

"Graham Stokes," Harm said immediately.

"Harm, he's a colleague, a good friend," she was amused. "He's like my work husband. He's you fourteen years ago, only without the sexual tension."

"He's always around, you travel with him…" Harm sat up. "I just don't like the guy, okay?"

"Okay, fine, what do you want me to do?" she was impatient.

"I just feel like we live two separate lives and I wonder sometimes if we're still married because of Emily not because you would die without me," he admitted.

"That's ridiculous and a little dramatic," she was amused now.

"Is it? You won't even consider moving," he accused.

"We wouldn't be together much even if we moved with you, you're out at sea Harm," she reminded him. "I need my job, my work family. This is me, Harm and I can't drop everything to follow you to the other side of the world and wait for you while you follow your big dream."

"I know," he let out a sigh. "But even when I bring up that I might want to make this my last tour you talk about how I'll get my own ship and be an Admiral. It's like you won't even consider that it's not what I want. Maybe I'd like to take Hetty up on her offer."

"You quit the Navy for me once and you were miserable," she reminded him.

"I would have stayed a civilian for you and Emily," he reminded her.

"I couldn't live like that," she let out a sigh. "And it's only the last couple of years that it's been difficult because of your duty station."

"Being homeported to Bahrain is not ideal," he hesitated. "We are less together now than we've ever been."

"And you think I don't love you? That's concerning," she tugged on his hand. "We are not together because of Emily."

"I know you love me," he smiled. "I just wonder now that she is growing up if you still need me as much."

"I always need you, Harm," she leaned in and kissed him. "I don't want you to have doubts about our relationship. I've loved you for over twenty years, been wearing your ring for fourteen of those. It's not going to change just because we see each other less."

He smiled. "Okay," he kissed her again. "I love you."

"I love you too," she smiled. "We don't have to make a decision about the future today. Or in the next two weeks. It's just so good to have you home."

He nodded and pulled her close. "Okay."


End file.
